I'll warn you, this entry is a venting entry. The opinions expressed therein are soley mine and not to be linked to any other person or group.
So let's just say the dating market for a 32 year old man, who has been called by many women a "nice guy", has an 8 year old, lives in a college town, and is sort of a dork, is virtually non-existant.
In order to combat all the forces working against me and my potential to share my life with someone wonderful, I have had to employ some methods to meet women which might seem…desperate. Okay, okay, so I joined eharmony.com, so sue me, geez!!! Is it terrible that I want to share my life with someone who responds to my touch with more than purring? Or who looks at me with wanting eyes for more reasons than simply because I haven’t fed her yet? I refuse to be “The Cat Man”.
Well, in joining this site, it asked many prying questions about me and my beliefs as well as questions about the person I hope to be with and her beliefs. I answered honestly: I don’t care what religion she is as long as she has a firm faith in God. Additionally, I was sure to check the box which stated that she must feel the same way.
Fast forward to last Friday…I was matched with a woman living in a small town about 40 miles from Norman. Over the weekend and through the first part of the week, we went through the eharmony.com way of beginning communication: learning bits and pieces about each other, and eventually emailing one another.
Any of you that know me, know that I’m a talker. I get it from my mother. Ask her about it and be prepared to get an earful. Well, as a talker, I would much rather participate in a phone call or face to face conversation than emails or texts. Consequently, I emailed the young woman, let’s call her Betty Baptist (BB), and gave her my number with indication that I would rather speak voice to voice. She replied that she would call later that evening…yesterday evening.
I didn’t put much stock in her reply, because I really didn’t know this woman that well, and in my experience most women just don’t follow through. (No offense to most of the women I know, it’s just how you are.) So you can imagine my surprise when my phone rang and it was her! We proceeded to have a wonderful conversation which lasted for nearly an hour, and in which I mentioned that my son’s name comes from the Book of Mormon as well as the fact that I am Mormon.
The conversation carried on for some time after this tidbit of relationship killing knowledge was dropped, and was quite good, I might add. So good, in fact, that we decided to have lunch together on Friday. I was so excited I even put the date on my calendar! Again, any of you that know me know this is sort of a big deal. Can you imagine my surprise when at 6:23 AM PST, I received the following:
“Hey:
I really enjoyed our talk last night.
Unfortunately, I can’t do lunch on Friday. After thinking and praying about it, I feel the door is being shut. Our beliefs are two totally separate things – I’m a southern Baptist and you are a mormon. God is very clear in His Word about being unequally yoked, etc. I just think it would be very hard in the future and so I don’t want to waste your or my time. I hope you understand.
You seem like a great guy so I wish you nothing but the best.
“Betty Baptist””
My first thought was, “Its 9 AM and we got off the phone at 10 PM and I’m pretty sure you didn’t lose a lot of sleep over this decision (maybe you did, if so…phew!), so how much thinking and praying could you have really done?”
My second thought was, “I have a lot of Southern Baptist (it’s a proper noun just like His and Word when referring to God and the Bible, so they should be capitalized), and we can and do go to lunch together…quite often.”
My third thought was, “I’m so glad she said that thing about unequally yoked! The last thing I want to do is carry her @$$ to the Celestial Kindom!”
I also thought, “Door being shut!? How can a door be shut that was only perceived to be open by the light coming in through the cracks around it?”
So you all don’t think I’m some big fat jerk, and in order to maintain my “nice guy” image (with all 2 of my blog readers), my reply was this:
“You know, I’m really sorry you feel that way. I have a lot of Southern Baptist friends and our beliefs are more the same than you think. But if that’s the way you feel, then I understand. It’s too bad though. I really do hope you find what you’re looking for.
JD”
Let me clarify my email for any readers who don’t know me that well, and for Betty should she stumble upon my blog. First, I should explain that this is an attempt by me to shed the “nice guy” image that has plagued me since middle school. It’s gonna be good! The translation is in brackets [].
“You know, I’m really sorry you feel that way [Woman, you suck!]. I have a lot of Southern Baptist friends [uh, we live in the Bible Belt honey, I’m not stupid. You and every other decent looking woman with values is Southern Baptist] and our beliefs are more the same [I sacrifice goats and cattle, have horns, and I’m a devil worshipper too!] than you think [duh]. But if that’s the way you feel [feeling a little ridiculous?], then I understand [I didn’t want you anyway. You are to religion what the KKK is to race]. It’s too bad though [I’m a great guy that would never take your private email, post it on my blog and publicly bash it! (more 1 reader makes it public, right?) Your loss sister.]. I really do hope you find what you’re looking for [Mr. Perfect doesn’t exist!!! Especially Mr. Perfect Southern Baptist. But then again, maybe you’re just prejudice against Mormons; any other run-of-the-mill Protestant would suffice…heck you might even take a Catholic before a Mormon!!! (not that I think Catholics are bad, but it seems to me that SB’s do)]”
Look, we live in a world that is more diverse and interconnected than ever…and it’s getting more so every day. If any of us lets race, religion, creed, citizenship or any other factor stop us from getting to know someone, then we’re really missing out. I’m not saying that anyone should marry or even cuddle up with someone if it goes against their values and beliefs. But I am saying that we should at least consider the fact just because someone doesn’t look, act, or believe just as we do, doesn’t mean they aren’t worth getting to know. We also should understand that what we “hear” about someone else’s beliefs, isn’t always what the beliefs truly are. It’s more important than ever that we all have an open mind about the people we come in contact with. An individual is still a person, and IMHO, probably a pretty good one.
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