Winter Wonder Wha...???

Living in Norman, Oklahoma, the weather capital of the world, I have come to understand a few things about weather. First is, when they say "chance of rain" it usually means torential downpour in some locations but sunny skies for most. When they say "sunny and warm", they mean no clouds with gale force winds. More recently I have learned that when they say "BLIZZARD CONDITIONS" you had better stock up on groceries, get a couple movies and bust out the cribbage board cause you're stayin' home. Oh no, no, not because you couldn't get to where you wanted to go, but because all of the other people that are out are out for blood! I don't know exactly what they are thinking but I'm sure it's something along the lines of, "Awe gosh darn fiddlesticks, I got me this hya fo-wheel drav, I'll git er done!"
I can understand that for someone of this level of intelligence it would seem logical that because you can accelerate on any surface with relative ease, you would also be able to decelerate on any surface. However, I feel it my duty to tell anyone living in an area that has yet to discover the chemical reaction that salt has on ice (hint: it's not a chemical reaction), you still have only the same four wheel brakes that anyone out there has, and if you're going 300 mph you will need much, much more room to stop!
I also discovered another thing that fascinates me, in these blizzard conditions bars can still legally be open! Oh yeah, this is what we need, idiots adding liquid courage to there arsenal of cold weather driving gear! Maybe I'm wrong, maybe we should allow the bars to stay open during winter blizzards. We should even give everyone that goes in gets the keys to a brand new, two-wheel drive, half-ton pickup. "Yeah, you get your choice, the one out back in stuck in the snow drift or the one turned sideways on the hill side just outside of town!"
Anyway, the point is that without even knowing it, the National Weather Service, while trying to predict the weather, is actually predicting human behavior. Next time they call for blizzard conditions I'll understand completely. It's not a blizzard of snow and ice, it's a blizzard of complete morons!